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 (412): hey, just so we're...
(412): hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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(863): MASS TEXT: Next weekend I...
(863): MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR
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(512): Where are all your bongs?...
(512): Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
(210): Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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(703): Can I say it was a great...
(703): Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth.
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(509): The neighbors ahemed the...
(509): The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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(240): Is there a nice, calm way...
(240): Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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(918): I sure hope so...I wonder...
(918): I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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(310): The gyno waiting room is so...
(310): The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I'm sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol.
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(304): After we fucked we sat in...
(304): After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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