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(702): His bedroom is the...
(702): His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
(310): His penis is my hero.
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(803): Have you considered...
(803): Have you considered murder?
(757): Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy.
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(727): Very mixed signals tonight....
(727): Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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(212): I need to go to St. Louis...
(212): I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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(336): Did you get good...
(336): Did you get good sleep?
(832): I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
(832): So yes.
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(224): My dad just informed me...
(224): My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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(276): Listen, yo... we need to...
(276): Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I'm going to finger someone's ass, it's not going to be my own.
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(317): that blonde bartender and...
(317): that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
(1-317): Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
(317): Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
(765): That's legit.
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(780): So...I'm pretty sure I...
(780): So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two.
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(519): Apparent my drunk ass was...
(519): Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one.".
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(727): We're going to watch...
(727): We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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(404): I remember her making the...
(404): I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
(404): First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it.
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(405): He flipped a shopping cart...
(405): He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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