(651): scale of one to ten how...  

(651): scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles.

what do you think? 2021-04-15 12:52:45

(316): I'm not sure she knows my...  

(316): I'm not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as "the fuck toy".

what do you think? 2021-04-15 11:05:53

(305): Want to go to Victoria's...  

(305): Want to go to Victoria's Secret? His fiancee is out of town and I'm going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex (813): Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!

what do you think? 2021-04-15 05:38:10

(253): It's so white trash that...  

(253): It's so white trash that I almost have to have it.

what do you think? 2021-04-15 03:17:49

(870): Just because I'm...  

(870): Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.

what do you think? 2021-04-15 02:21:23

(870): If work found out I was...  

(870): If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.

what do you think? 2021-04-15 02:12:21

(612): The covid immunization shot...  

(612): The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.

what do you think? 2021-04-03 11:44:08

(256): Never in my life did I...  

(256): Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women.

what do you think? 2021-04-03 08:36:23

(317): Apparently I told the mayor...  

(317): Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife.

what do you think? 2021-04-03 06:49:46

(305): Of course he did! You've...  

(305): Of course he did! You've seen my tits, you know he didn't stand a chance!

what do you think? 2021-04-03 06:26:49

(715): What is the best medium...  

(715): What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?

what do you think? 2021-04-03 03:51:36

(218): Remember the Giant sandworm...  

(218): Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.

what do you think? 2021-04-03 01:12:45

(516): if my 20s were a chapter in...  

(516): if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick".

what do you think? 2021-04-02 12:37:25

(702): I need to get laid. Right...  

(702): I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates (310): That's quite a spread.

what do you think? 2021-04-02 10:08:34

(404): Just got my second...  

(404): Just got my second shot (1-404): Baller. We're going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days.

what do you think? 2021-04-02 06:32:18

(+61): Thank you for stopping me...  

(+61): Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.

what do you think? 2021-04-02 05:20:54

(202): Of course he's picking me...  

(202): Of course he's picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.

what do you think? 2021-04-02 03:46:16

(832): I just bought a bottle of...  

(832): I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.

what do you think? 2021-04-02 03:13:17

(612): At this point, I would not...  

(612): At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.

what do you think? 2021-04-02 01:16:15

(813): I've got full Covid...  

(813): I've got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I'm basically unstoppable.

what do you think? 2021-03-29 10:06:09

(702): Put down the Captain Crunch...  

(702): Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It's a dickfest!!

what do you think? 2021-03-29 07:55:14

(316): I had perfectly good...  

(316): I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say.

what do you think? 2021-03-29 05:58:54

(215): I just put together...  

(215): I just put together something from IKEA so that's mandatory oral for a week.

what do you think? 2021-03-23 10:47:42

(715): I thought it was your cat...  

(715): I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.

what do you think? 2021-03-23 10:35:46

(682): His sex game is strong...  

(682): His sex game is strong it's like a warlord's dick! you know what I mean? (936): Nope.

what do you think? 2021-03-23 10:11:39

(325): There's a child, alone,...  

(325): There's a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises.

what do you think? 2021-03-23 03:44:12

(715): Our son just found our...  

(715): Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?

what do you think? 2021-03-23 02:22:25

(785): I fished a Couples...  

(785): I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody's trash and kept it. That's how desperate I am.

what do you think? 2021-03-18 13:23:09

(813): She flirted with a pilot...  

(813): She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I'd say she's rebounding from the divorce.

what do you think? 2021-03-18 09:34:57

(206): If he moved really quickly...  

(206): If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.

what do you think? 2021-03-18 08:28:33

(310): It's done, I'm...  

(310): It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you.

what do you think? 2021-03-18 02:36:45

(310): How do I tell my boss I...  

(310): How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?

what do you think? 2021-03-16 12:27:30

(317): The sex would be better if...  

(317): The sex would be better if it wasn't interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he's not cheating on me (1-317): Do you even hear yourself?

what do you think? 2021-03-16 06:33:32

(317): I guess when the asshole...  

(317): I guess when the asshole said "I really miss you and want to get back together" he actually meant "I'm banging a Hooters girl behind your back." (317): I hope she gives him gonorhea.

what do you think? 2021-03-16 04:45:03

(918): He was someone so memorable...  

(918): He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter.

what do you think? 2021-03-16 02:16:53

(513): Dick is dick. I'm not...  

(513): Dick is dick. I'm not turning it down because he's younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I'm a woman with needs.

what do you think? 2021-03-16 01:44:30

(330): I'm listening to a...  

(330): I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.

what do you think? 2021-03-12 03:36:49

(917): Now all my porn is stored...  

(917): Now all my porn is stored in my parents' basement. It's like a part of my soul is boxed up.

what do you think? 2021-03-12 01:08:36

(608): I lost my cyber virginity...  

(608): I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.

what do you think? 2021-03-11 12:14:30

(248): 27 year olds can still do...  

(248): 27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?

what do you think? 2021-03-11 08:03:24

(719): Fucker was flying a Bruins...  

(719): Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.

what do you think? 2021-03-09 10:36:53

(403): Alcohol and video games. A...  

(403): Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid.

what do you think? 2021-03-09 08:21:55

(305): I'm excited to finally...  

(305): I'm excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!

what do you think? 2021-03-09 08:12:12

(201): thank you for the vibrator...  

(201): thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon.

what do you think? 2021-03-09 05:25:59

(202): I smell like beef...  

(202): I smell like beef jerky (618): That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.

what do you think? 2021-03-09 05:19:26

(845): For the love of all that is...  

(845): For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica.

what do you think? 2021-03-09 04:38:16

(732): The best walk of shames are...  

(732): The best walk of shames are on the highway.

what do you think? 2021-03-02 10:41:15

(516): I'll be coming off of 7...  

(516): I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb.

what do you think? 2021-03-02 07:07:07

(303): If you survived your 72...  

(303): If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.

what do you think? 2021-03-02 03:50:38

(914): I apparently sent an offer...  

(914): I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?

what do you think? 2021-03-02 03:12:25

(717): Soooo you're telling me...  

(717): Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?

what do you think? 2021-02-25 12:18:51

(+54): My brain is like a TV with...  

(+54): My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7.

what do you think? 2021-02-25 05:21:35

(218): It was just another case of...  

(218): It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.

what do you think? 2021-02-25 04:39:22

(519): hey i'm sure you are...  

(519): hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?

what do you think? 2021-02-25 03:15:36

(617): I cant wait to tell our...  

(617): I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.

what do you think? 2021-02-25 01:41:18

(941): My vagina likes him more...  

(941): My vagina likes him more than I do, but I'm going to follow her lead and see what happens.

what do you think? 2021-02-23 13:21:56

(513): I've basically been...  

(513): I've basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can't even imagine what would happen if I start banging him.

what do you think? 2021-02-23 02:52:07

(307): WAIT YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO...  

(307): WAIT YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO??? (1-307): COSTCO IS MAGICAL (603): I can't believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.

what do you think? 2021-02-20 13:26:16

(561): This is my life. Currently...  

(561): This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.

what do you think? 2021-02-20 04:38:58

(306): 100000% expect a...  

(306): 100000% expect a picture of my ass in them.

what do you think? 2021-02-20 03:47:29

(870): God. Spice Girls is now...  

(870): God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.

what do you think? 2021-02-20 01:59:47

(218): She made kool-aid with...  

(218): She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!

what do you think? 2021-02-20 01:35:42

(813): She picked a quarter off...  

(813): She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.

what do you think? 2021-02-20 01:30:20

(513): Of course he's dumb....  

(513): Of course he's dumb. He's got a 9 inch dick! There's not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It's science.

what do you think? 2021-02-16 05:11:44

(210): Anything special planned...  

(210): Anything special planned for Valentines Day? (310): Does testing the strength of my coworker's marriage count?

what do you think? 2021-02-16 03:44:09

(709): He ate me out in a limo...  

(709): He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!

what do you think? 2021-02-16 03:19:05

(434): Just because you haven't...  

(434): Just because you haven't had your UTI yet doesn't mean you have a right to talk like Yoda.

what do you think? 2021-02-16 01:17:05

(305): He's disease free and...  

(305): He's disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?

what do you think? 2021-02-12 12:29:42

(303): Well she's 'call...  

(303): Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.

what do you think? 2021-02-12 11:04:02

(715): I broke my dick don't...  

(715): I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.

what do you think? 2021-02-12 05:48:03

(719): Why do so many fanfic...  

(719): Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?

what do you think? 2021-02-12 03:57:23

(702): His bedroom is the...  

(702): His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives (310): His penis is my hero.

what do you think? 2021-02-12 02:18:13

(803): Have you considered...  

(803): Have you considered murder? (757): Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy.

what do you think? 2021-02-10 09:11:54

(727): Very mixed signals tonight....  

(727): Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.

what do you think? 2021-02-10 05:58:11

(212): I need to go to St. Louis...  

(212): I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.

what do you think? 2021-02-10 04:45:45

(336): Did you get good...  

(336): Did you get good sleep? (832): I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries. (832): So yes.

what do you think? 2021-02-10 03:22:12

(702): Not gonna make it. His...  

(702): Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes.

what do you think? 2021-02-10 01:24:55

(310): Divorce can be hard, but...  

(310): Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I'm great with hard things ;-).

what do you think? 2021-02-04 13:34:06

(224): My dad just informed me...  

(224): My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!

what do you think? 2021-02-04 12:43:01

(620): I swear I'm an adult. I...  

(620): I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos.

what do you think? 2021-02-04 06:42:12

(276): Listen, yo... we need to...  

(276): Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I'm going to finger someone's ass, it's not going to be my own.

what do you think? 2021-02-04 02:02:11

(610): I have cats now. Five of...  

(610): I have cats now. Five of them. (301): Have you considered starting a global domination firm?

what do you think? 2021-01-30 09:41:31

(317): that blonde bartender and...  

(317): that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night (1-317): Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room? (317): Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live (765): That's legit.

what do you think? 2021-01-28 13:55:39

(305): I need to find a divorced...  

(305): I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking.

what do you think? 2021-01-28 07:24:34

(705): IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I...  

(705): IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!! (1-705): Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.

what do you think? 2021-01-28 04:22:02

(780): So...I'm pretty sure I...  

(780): So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two.

what do you think? 2021-01-26 05:50:04

(519): Apparent my drunk ass was...  

(519): Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one.".

what do you think? 2021-01-26 04:25:09

(310): My boob job is like a...  

(310): My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone's pants! They're magical!

what do you think? 2021-01-25 02:29:15

(413): I would let him fuck me...  

(413): I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.

what do you think? 2021-01-25 01:34:49

(404): I'm tired of his bullshit...  

(404): I'm tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I'm going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF.

what do you think? 2021-01-25 01:15:09

(512): the coup got in the way of...  

(512): the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe.

what do you think? 2021-01-23 11:34:27

(731): I'm really busy with my...  

(731): I'm really busy with my period.

what do you think? 2021-01-23 08:36:13

(813): Eventually the conversation...  

(813): Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.

what do you think? 2021-01-23 02:21:03

(813): Turns out naked yoga...  

(813): Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.

what do you think? 2021-01-21 11:46:22

(727): We're going to watch...  

(727): We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.

what do you think? 2021-01-21 05:26:17

(845): I managed to convince her...  

(845): I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it.

what do you think? 2021-01-19 07:08:09

(404): I remember her making the...  

(404): I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys. (404): First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it.

what do you think? 2021-01-19 05:28:10

(405): He flipped a shopping cart...  

(405): He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.

what do you think? 2021-01-19 05:21:18

(512): dont know what thebfuxk is...  

(512): dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore.

what do you think? 2021-01-19 03:22:29

(453): You abruptly started...  

(453): You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote "calamari on the hoof".

what do you think? 2021-01-19 01:22:35